The
one who taunts.
One
of the hardest things to deal with is the loss and rejection when a spouse has
left you and divorces you. I had a friend say I was a subject matter
expert in this, and how to react but I still don’t feel recovered enough.
One day I hope to be able to encourage someone else who has to go
through this. I’m not sure I’m quite mentally and emotionally well enough
to do that but I found comfort in these two verses this weekend. Another
One of the hardest things I deal with is hearing my ex-wife in my head taunting
me with fights we had in the past of things I would do wrong in her eyes.
It was a taunting voice that no matter how hard I tried to be husband of
the year every day I was doomed to fail. It’s been exactly 7 months and
it’s still there. I’ve actually and you can verify this with my dog
spoken her name out loud and said, “shut up you no longer live here.”
When asked about why I blog less than I used to my mom said it best.
“He doesn’t have a lot to say because she took it out of him.” When
you’ve been loved and somewhere along the years it simply disappeared it’s very
hard to believe in God’s unfailing love. That’s why I so needed these
verses to remind me.
Psalm
119:41-42.
“May
your unfailing love come to me O Lord, your salvation according to your
promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me for I trust in your Word.”
I
need reminders often that God still loves me. My dog Arisia crawling in
my lap for a hug is a good reminder.
Another
passage I keep reading over and over to remind myself that God is still
listening is this.
Psalm
116:1-6
“I
love the Lord for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because
he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The
chords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was
overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then
I called on the name of the Lord: O Lord, save me.
The
Lord is gracious and righteous.
The
Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need he saved me.”
I
continue each day asking God to heal my heart because there’s a lot of hurt
there. Out of 10 years of marriage there were maybe 4 good years and a
few that were not filled with love. I loved with every fiber of my being,
but it was not always returned. I can’t say I did everything right
because I know in a lot of ways, I was a failure. I still need God to
change me into the man I need to be because I struggle daily. That’s also
why I need to be reminded he loves me and hears me. Maybe you need the
same reminder. One day I might blog more often. I post less and
less on Facebook and on my stories and blog because I’m often at a loss for
what to say. I’m just fumbling along and sharing my heart with this in
hopes it helps someone else. Maybe you’ve been hurt like me, and you’re
taunted as well and need to seek God and remember who He is.
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