The Passion Remains

 

The passion remains, 

 

I’ve been through a lot and I’m trying to recover and be a better person than I was the day before.  I often pray for Hope and a purpose in my life because I don’t really see it like I used to.  I still have a passion to encourage others and I still seek after God.  I want to blog again, but I have less to say than I used to.  I’m finding comfort in passages of scripture that I’ve read many times before but I’m at a place emotionally that I need them more.  

 

Psalm 136:1-3

 

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. 

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods. 

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords.

His love endures forever.”

 

To some of you we’ve read that a thousand times and heard it turned into a song by Michael W Smith but let me tell you why it means more to me lately.  When you’ve suffered the rejection of a spouse and that love has been taken from you, you cry out to God more and you need him to remind you that his love endures forever.  I remind myself at times that Judas betrayed Jesus.  His closest friend.  There was a purpose in that and it led to the cross.  He’s experienced worse than I ever will.  I’m not claiming to be like Jesus I’m too much of a failure on my own.  But somehow, he has me breathing and seeking him.  I don’t understand it all.  That’s why I find myself overwhelmed by this next verse.  

 

Psalm 138:8

 

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever. — do not abandon the works of your hands.”

 

I don’t know what His purpose for me is.  But he’s given me a passion to help.  Recently I bought this pillowcase on Amazon, and it has a quote on it from Ahsoka Tano a character on Star Wars the Clone Wars that says this, and it sums me up perfectly.  

 

“In my life when you find people who need your help you help them no matter what.”  

 

If it’s writing a blog and trying to help someone or going to work and helping a new hire or a coworker, I try to help as much as I can.  It’s not a grand purpose but I try to help people.  This past Wednesday I went to see my family and my sister, and I were hanging out doing stuff together which honestly we hadn’t done in years and my dad said something.  “What are y’all doing?  You seem to just be spending time like brother and sister and it makes my heart proud.”  You know when you can make your dad happy and you and your sister are just helping each other it tends to make you smile.  Seek God and help others as much as you can.  

 

Road to Calvary by John Schlitt 

He who began by Steve Green 

Heart to God, Hand to man by Geoff Moore and the Distance and Ashley Cleveland 

The one who taunts

 

The one who taunts.

 

One of the hardest things to deal with is the loss and rejection when a spouse has left you and divorces you.  I had a friend say I was a subject matter expert in this, and how to react but I still don’t feel recovered enough.    One day I hope to be able to encourage someone else who has to go through this.  I’m not sure I’m quite mentally and emotionally well enough to do that but I found comfort in these two verses this weekend.  Another One of the hardest things I deal with is hearing my ex-wife in my head taunting me with fights we had in the past of things I would do wrong in her eyes.  It was a taunting voice that no matter how hard I tried to be husband of the year every day I was doomed to fail.   It’s been exactly 7 months and it’s still there.  I’ve actually and you can verify this with my dog spoken her name out loud and said, “shut up you no longer live here.”  When asked about why I blog less than I used to my mom said it best.  “He doesn’t have a lot to say because she took it out of him.”  When you’ve been loved and somewhere along the years it simply disappeared it’s very hard to believe in God’s unfailing love.  That’s why I so needed these verses to remind me.  

 

Psalm 119:41-42. 

 

“May your unfailing love come to me O Lord, your salvation according to your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me for I trust in your Word.”

 

I need reminders often that God still loves me.  My dog Arisia crawling in my lap for a hug is a good reminder.  

 

Another passage I keep reading over and over to remind myself that God is still listening is this.  

 

Psalm 116:1-6

 

“I love the Lord for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  

Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.  

The chords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.  

Then I called on the name of the Lord: O Lord, save me.  

The Lord is gracious and righteous.

The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need he saved me.”  

 

I continue each day asking God to heal my heart because there’s a lot of hurt there.  Out of 10 years of marriage there were maybe 4 good years and a few that were not filled with love.  I loved with every fiber of my being, but it was not always returned.  I can’t say I did everything right because I know in a lot of ways, I was a failure.  I still need God to change me into the man I need to be because I struggle daily.  That’s also why I need to be reminded he loves me and hears me.  Maybe you need the same reminder.  One day I might blog more often.  I post less and less on Facebook and on my stories and blog because I’m often at a loss for what to say.  I’m just fumbling along and sharing my heart with this in hopes it helps someone else.  Maybe you’ve been hurt like me, and you’re taunted as well and need to seek God and remember who He is.  

 

Part the waters by Selah 

God is faithful by Sheila Walsh